The Alternative 12 Days of Christmas


On the first day of Christmas my truelove said to me
I’m glad we bought fresh turkey and a proper Christmas tree

On the second day of Christmas such laughter could be heard
As we tucked into our turkey, a most delicious bird

On the third day we entertained the people from next door
The turkey tasted just as good as it had the day before

Day four – relations came to stay, poor Gran is looking old
We finished up the Christmas pud and ate the turkey cold

On the fifth day of Christmas outside the snowflakes flurried
But we were nice and warm inside cause we ate the turkey curried

On the sixth day I must admit the Christmas spirit died
The kids they fought and bickered – we ate the turkey fried

On the seventh day of Christmas my truelove she did wince
When we sat down to dinner to force down turkey mince

Day eight, nerves were getting frayed – the dog had run for shelter
I served up turkey pancakes with a glass of Alka-Seltzer

On day nine the cat left home and Dad was almost blotto
He said he’d only had the drink to face turkey risotto

Day ten and not a drink in sight except our homemade brew
As if that wasn’t bad enough we suffered turkey stew

On the eleventh day of Christmas the Christmas tree was moulting
The mince pies were as hard as rock and the turkey was revolting

The twelfth day came, my truelove had a smile about her lips
The guests had gone, the turkey too – so we all had fish and chips!